Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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