What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize