I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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