I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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