During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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