Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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