Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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