and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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