I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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