Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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