Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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