I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize