i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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