this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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