life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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