Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize