I could make wine with my vomit
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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