just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize