Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize