guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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