I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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