People with herpes should wear stickers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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