I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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