so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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