She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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