You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize