I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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