Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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