The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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