everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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