I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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