I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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