her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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