You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Someone signed my nipple.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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