Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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