I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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