this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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