Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize