im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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