All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize