i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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