just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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