When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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