when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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