break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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