Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize