nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am midnight drunk by noon
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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