i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
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