I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize