There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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